OFFL

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
 

Happy Friday!
 

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
 

My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
 

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve
 

I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
 

Heyman,
I have a goatee
 

but i do agree with you super weapon policy
 

If I capture the hero's starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.
 

I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering.
 

you seem the type of person to just kill james bond without explaining yr plan
 

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
 

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
 

Although it must be a nifty party trick.
 

Dwight as Jim was AWESOME!
 

Creed is too much. Poor Debbie.
 

Lord, beer me strength
 

creed is my favorite not-main character.

he is so depraved.

this job is the only thing that seperates me from a homeless man.
 

suber beetles,

i am very impressed with the extensive blog today.

it shows true commitment to making me laugh and that is appreciated.

go dark lord!
 

It's not me...evil overlord took over for me today.
 

He must have has some time on his hands.
 

Apparently no one to terrorize.
 

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
 

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
 

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
 

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
 

bloody savages

they always wait for the power outages.
 

way to use the media
 

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
 

you seem to have this all on lock-down
evil overlord
 

just be careful that yr security does not exceed 10% of yr gross
 

Words Michael Scott should never utter. "We will have a press conference."
 

that was so funny

and Andy with Jim was priceless.

I am going to take out a full page ad with 2 words

Good Luck!

that was not what i was going to say
 

When Dwight covered up Phylis with a plant, I just about lost it.
 

Poor Phylis.
 

Those are the money beets
 

Now you're not losers!
 

i have seen goat on chicken, chicken on goat, chicken on goat with a couple of pigs watching. Whoever did that got it just right.
 

Preaching to the choir.
 

I still have nightmare about the chicken on pig one.
 

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
 

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
 

D'oh!!

they got me!!
 

good stuff, good stuff.
 

seriously, good day!!
 

I'm so bummed I missed this day. Awesome!!
Really....the money beets??? Hi-sterical.
 

This page is a hoot. I'm on the third time through.